Moments ago, a friend of mine decided that she will quit from studying Medicine. It was a tough semester for everybody, especially for her. I deeply wondered how a wunderkind who had such a strong work ethic eventually surrendered the long haul. That decision of hers made me think very deeply on how I felt about what she did. The pressure was just very great, so it seems, for her to decide to quit. But nonetheless, I thought at first that it was kinda unnecessary for her to do that, given that she has high grades and a passion for learning.
I was unconsciously getting a grip of myself as I learned of her decision. She said it was final, and it was just sad for me to know about it firsthand. I was starting to feel the sadness inside, that I was about to lose a close confidant, where I found comfort and happiness despite living inside the hellhole that was really keen on consuming my sanity.
I was unconsciously getting a grip of myself as I learned of her decision. She said it was final, and it was just sad for me to know about it firsthand. I was starting to feel the sadness inside, that I was about to lose a close confidant, where I found comfort and happiness despite living inside the hellhole that was really keen on consuming my sanity.
Weeks have passed since we talked about this. I persuaded her to think about what she was planning to do. I convinced her to take the road less traveled even if it meant sacrificing mind and body just to achieve such purpose. I belted out almost all of the persuasion tactics I knew of just for her to reconsider. It was a big effort for me, to go and push her to continue on with studying. I always knew that she had it in her, that she can do things that would make even the most hardworking student green with envy. I couldn't accept the fact that she wanted to quit. She was really adamant about her decision to surrender. The good thing was, she eventually decided to move on and continue on with it. I thought it would be the end of painstaking convincing, but now I guess I was wrong.
For the first time, someone close to me has decided to leave the dream only a blessed few would even dare to take, a dream that she used to share to me even before she entered the halls of Med school. I understand how her pain felt, because I also went through that same ordeal years ago. Now that I'm sitting on my study table and making this blog, her decision has made me reflect deeply on my situation in Med school. Her eventual decision to quit made me rethink about how my life in Medicine has been. Sure, that my life inside Med was tough, that it had its ups and downs. But, the question is: am I really happy with this? Am I happy with some classmates hating me and some classmates liking me? Am I happy interviewing patients from time to time? Am I happy making paperworks and study every evening until my brain cells deplete to zero? Am I happy that I get to pass my subjects? Am I even happy being inside Medical school?
These are the questions that are now reentering my mind. I've been through these questions before, but why of all things would these questions visit me again, when I'm already a few months away from Junior Internship? It's hard for me to reflect on these, but as the minutes linger, these voids are slightly devouring me up to the point my emotions and thinking start to run empty.
A while ago, I started looking at websites of flying schools. My dream of becoming a pilot was slowly creeping back into me. I began considering skipping JI-ship, enter flying school and maybe try it out for a change. My mind was even thinking about entering flying school after finishing JI-ship, without the possibility of taking Senior Internship or even the Physician Board Exam. My passion of flight and flying was slowly coming back. It was a dream I have already shared to my parents, but my Mom wouldn't let me because of its risks. Other than flying, my mind was slowly entering a void of uncertainty: a mindset that was making me feel empty and sad, just like how it felt when I was considering quitting Medicine back 2009.
I know Medicine is hard, and that enduring this course really entails the full potential of the mind, body and spirit. But, it is true that sometimes, we should just know when to give up. It is not forever that we can continue on not being ourselves. Most Med students would say they want to be doctors, but along the way, a few would quit. It is not because that they are weak, but because they do not see themselves as doctors anyway. If one seems to surrender despite all the painstaking efforts to continue, then there is nothing wrong in taking a different path. There will be people who will think that quitting Medicine is a stupid thing to do, but one thing I've realized is that if one is not happy in what he/she does, then why continue on? It will be sad for me to see her leave, but there will always a tinge of happiness deep inside because she will be able to follow what really interests her. In the end, doing things that we can't see ourselves to be in the future is like wearing a shirt that isn't your size. It is the pursuit of the inside passion that is important to follow. One should not force himself/herself into something he/she is not. Live life and be free, and wherever God will take you, for sure He will take care of the rest.
