It has been quite a long time since life has been quite mean to me. A lot of things have happened, and for the 1st time I'll make such thing worth reading.
We had a conversation not so long ago, where she said she cannot wait too long for me. She couldn't wait, so she had a new guy. The guy is pretty kind, I guess. I looked like I didn't feel affected, but deep inside, slowly but surely, my emotions were being swept away in a tsunami of dread. I didn't entertain it at first, but as time passed, and she seemed to be "happy" with her guy, I couldn't help but become unconsciously hurt. For the 1st time, I felt how it feels to be totally hurt. I couldn't help it but accept the fact that I have lost someone who has been special to me.
She was a big factor in my college life. She was the one who was a big partner in crime, someone who helped me through all the ups and downs. A big regret of mine was that she wasn't appreciated, and I didn't capitalize on working it out.
A lot of IF's came pouring into my mind as time passed after she had a new guy. I thought of so many "what if's," but what can I do, anyway. She said one time, that when all of this is "over" with her new man, she would like to come back to me. Dumb as it may seem, I was accommodating: I just said "Yes, alright." I just wanted to be happy again, living within false pretensions that maybe the right time will come that she will be snapped from all her senses and come back.
Even though we weren't in constant contact while they were together, she would tell me that there were times that she wanted out of her present relationship. I couldn't understand why, maybe she's having regrets and stuff. She would rant to me her frustrations against her beau, and that she wanted, so many times, to break up with him. But then again, she'd take back her statements like nothing happened, making me so dumbfounded as to what is really going on.
She told me to wait. I know how to wait.
But, I realize that I don't wanna wait anymore.
As time passed by, and a lot of friends came and went, I soon realized that there are so many things to life rather than just one thing. Like how Kubler-Ross' stages of grief describe it, I've been through the 4 stages. Now, all I need is acceptance. Through accepting the fact that there is no more chance for anything to happen between the 2 of us, this proves that in life, moving on is the best thing to convey acceptance of the reality of things. Deep down in my heart, I still long for those good times, though most of those times bad stuff happened. Living in the past is a thing that shows feebleness and impunity. Enjoying what is present and anticipating good vibes in the future are what makes life fun and exciting. I may have lived behind a shadow of uncertainty, but, true enough, from that shadow, I have learned a lot.
I hope and pray that everything will turn out alright between the two of us. We had a recent conversation about this, and with our conversation I stress that I do not bear any grudges against her. I just want to pull back from anything involving her. Deep relations can corrupt even the brightest of minds. Maybe through this move that I did, I may find more time to realize and accept the reality that has happened.
I just thank her very much for a very long journey, a time that was pretty well-spent. I hope she is definitely happy with what she has, and I promise to keep my end of the deal.
As for me, I'm happy with what I have. I'm happy and blessed that God has given me such an opportunity to rethink my life and accept with loving arms anything that He will provide. There is a bright future ahead. Let's look forward to it and enjoy it as it is.
It's just moving on, slowly but surely.
