The attempt at quitting medicine: the letter of withdrawal

Ever felt that you wanted to surrender, despite only being on the road to success for less than a week? Did you ever feel envious of your batch mates who were earning cash, having long vacations, or doing job huntings? Did you even see yourself not being the person who you really want to be?

A while ago, I scoured through the documents file of our family PC. As I was looking for an authorization letter for family business matters, I stumbled upon a letter which I made way back 1st year.

And this is just not any ordinary letter.

It is not an LOA (Leave of Absence) letter.

It is a letter of Withdrawal.

June 19, 2009

ALFARETTA LUISA T. REYES, M.D.

Dean, College of Medicine

University of the East Ramon Magsaysay Memorial Medical Center

Quezon City

Dear Madam,

I am currently a 1^st year Medicine Student this school-year 2009-2010. Unfortunately, it brings me with a heavy heart that I am filing my Withdrawal from the College.

I graduated from BS Nursing last April of 2009, and recently, I took the Nurses Licensure Examination.. For 4 straight years, including the summer breaks and the 2 months of review prior to the Licensure Examination, I have been immersing myself on the study table, fervently and wholeheartedly studying my lessons in order for me to obtain a degree and, hopefully, a license. Though I had only a week’s rest, my mind was raring for me to enter the doors of medicine. Upon entry into the medical school, I found myself overwhelmed with the subjects and topics to be studied. My mind wants to continue on studying, but my heart and body was giving up on me. And as the days passed, my zest for studying has been slowly fading away. I did not want this to happen, but I believe that my capabilities have exceeded the limit, and that my mind, heart and body deserve a much needed rest from all the books and paperwork for now.

It was my childhood dream to become a very good doctor someday, and everyone, including me, believed in my capabilities to achieve and someday become successful in the medical field. But, now, I realized that I have found what my heart truly desires: to be a successful nurse, and hopefully, a nurse educator.

With this, I am officially filing my Withdrawal from the College effective today. I would like to thank you and the whole university for giving me this very honorable opportunity to enter the medical profession. If ever I return again to your college, I sincerely hope that the doors of the college of medicine will still be open for me.

Thank you for this wonderful experience.

Respectfully yours,

Jose Antonio L. Bautista

As I read the letter, this reminded me of the day that I wanted to surrender, the day which almost took away my dream in a near-instant. In just a matter of a few days after I started med, I started to have the deepest intention of quitting Medical School for the reason that I couldn't stand another day reading a book, much more something that was totally new to me. My mind back then wanted to continue going on, but my heart dictated that I should stop, that I should rest this one off for a long time. This was, for me, the biggest dilemma of mine in Medical School, much more, my studying career. Never in my life that I wanted to give up so easily in such a short time. My heart wanted to follow another track, the track which I originally started, which was Nursing. 

It was a classic case of burnout, academic burnout.

But as my parents' unwavering support for me grew, up to the point that they finally accepted that I can get a grade as low as 3.00, my heart started to become motivated again. My mind and heart cooperated with each other, determined to make a push towards the road less traveled. After the emotional talk with my parents, I discontinued my interest in quitting school. Despite not quitting, I made sure that I do not get to erase this letter, for this letter would serve me as a stern reminder of how I actually started and almost quit on Medicine.

Now, almost 2 years since I made this letter, I start to look back at what has happened in my life since the day I entered Med and almost quit because of burnout. A lot of things have happened and passed by but though there have been rough times, I have still kept the flame burning. The desire to become a doctor, a man with double professional degrees, a man with an RN, MD attached beside his surname, is almost near the corner. Next year, in 2012, our batch will become Junior Interns (JI), the last step into becoming a real-deal physician. The thought of quitting is now but a distant but significant memory in my life as a Med student: a memory that will remind me of the blunder that almost ruined my chances of achieving a childhood dream, a dream that everybody would want, but only very few can achieve.