Friendship and transience

Friends do come and go, as some people would see it. It is sad to see friendship go to waste because of lack of communication. Neither anyone in his/her right mind would let friends go without any reason at all, nor ignore them because they lack topics to talk about. It is disappointing to see someone being left alone while his/her friends still get along together and talk and have fun while that other person just fades away from the limelight and becomes alone.

In other words, friendship become a transient state.

Transience is defined by dictionary sources as passing with time: it is a state of being brief or short-lived. This occurs, based on experience, because of a lot of factors: lack of things to discuss, indifference, conflicts or issues, and avoidance.

Lack of things to discuss occurs in a lot of people. At first, talking and telling stories about so many things becomes a worthwhile moment, it's like there's no end to it. Give it time, and slowly but surely the storytelling starts to disappear. First, friends who are like this start to barely talk to each other, the next thing you know, there is no more contact. These people just tend to become friends because of stories and make-believe. Transience become dominant as time passes by. What's hard is when friendship is being revived: one tries to rekindle the friendship but the other one just feels "tired" of the former.

Indifference stems from lack of interest towards the other: yes, they are friends, but the other just finds the other one not worth talking to. That indifferent individual just becomes apathetic towards the other: he/she doesn't show any interest of emotion towards the other because of some intrinsic/extrinsic factor the indifferent one sees in the other. I've personally seen people who are like that: they just don't show any interest towards the other because maybe the other person looks like a geek/nerd/not worth talking to. Mean and uncalled for as it is, this really occurs in most friendships. This ends in a transient state: the indifferent individual just considers his/her friendship towards the other short-lived. When that person sees another person who is more worth talking to, the other person that he/she feels apathetic to is ignored up to the point that the affected one become a loner and left behind the spotlight.

Conflicts and issues are a common thing to note as a reason for a transient friendship. Good friends start out strong. There is nothing that may shake their friendship, but lo and behold, there comes an issue that causes a friendship to break apart. Examples include boy-girl relationships, scandalous issues (eg. backstabbing), different points of view, etc. Issues like this become amenable for repair, but, as what my old best friend (and eventually present classmate) said to me when I tried to mend a broken friendship:

"Forgiven, not forgotten."

Avoidance: the most painful thing for me, most likely if there is no reason at all for avoiding. A person just starts to avoid someone because he/she wants to. When someone meets another person worth talking to, the other person is started to be ignored at. The affected person tries and tries to connect with that avoiding person, but only ends up in vain. That friendship that might have been dearly treasured by the affected just becomes shattered because of the action of the other. It sucks if that kind of problem occurs. For me, this is the most painful reason for a transient friendship.

Friendship becomes transient because of a certain action, or a certain philosophy, belief, issue, conflict, or maybe or hopefully not likely, no reason at all. I believe in a treasured friendship. A real friend is someone who accepts you as who you are, whether you're the talkative type or the silent type. If a person is a silent type and is started to being avoided at by his/her friends, now that is a fair-weathered friend. A friend who just befriends another for help or personal gain is not a friend: that person is just a USER.

A good advice: out of 10 friends, there will only be 1 or 2 who are real and true friends. Cherish those persons more than anyone: they are the ones who will be by your side through thick and thin.