Friendship is a thing that makes people feel important. This is what makes a rational human being feel alive. Having good friends to keep dictates how a person approaches life in so may different aspects. The experiences gained from such friendships tell a story on how he/she is molded into the person he/she is now.
This is the story of an unforgettable friendship with an old High School friend of mine. A great friend, a cool, funny person, and the big reason why everything in my life changed in just one stroke of an instance.
This is how a friendship rises and falls, just because of a regretful mistake.
Her name is Hazel (I do not wish to hide her name). She was my classmate back in Grade 4 and 2nd Year High School, and now currently in Medical School. Back in the day when we were in Grade School, we never get to notice each other that much. I barely even remember noticing her in class. Though there were some vivid memories of her in my mind of those days in particular, what I can absolutely recount is that she was just a grade school classmate. That was just the start of how I knew her.
Second year High School was the time I get to know her more. She was, in particular, a part of a small group of 3 who played tennis during PE hours. I, Joey, and Hazel were the 3 persons who joined the special PE group, apart from the usual PE classes conducted in school back then. Our common love for the sport of tennis was the key that bound our group closer. Back then, we would always play tennis either inside the covered shell courts, or the outdoor hard courts, either during PE days or after school hours. Playing tennis with each other was the source of each of our enjoyment. We simply had fun playing the game, and from the love of the game, a friendship blossomed.
Summer of 2003 was, for me, the best summer back then. The two of us, excluding Joey, joined the CSA Summer Tennis Program, which consisted of varsity players and intermediate players wanting a taste of the tough side of the game. Everyday, we get to play tennis, have fun, share insights, and keep our heads up high with the big smile of happiness. Those were the times where the two of us started to get to know each other more, if not better. It was during those unforgettable times where we became best friends (for me, she was my best friend: my 1st girl best friend). Besides the fun of the sport, we started to hang out most of the time. There were those times when, after tennis sessions, while waiting for our drivers to pick us up, I'd usually wait for her to go home first than me, though there were times the opposite would happen. While we wait for someone to fetch us, we would tell stories, jokes and ideas which made our friendship one-of-a-kind. From those simple moments, we took those spare times to bask on a wonderful moment: a moment that was unforgettable for me, but maybe forgettable for her.
Away from the courts, we had our share of the good times. I remember those good old times such as watching a good movie at GB3, and going to Hard Rock Cafe watching Jimmy Bondoc perform live singing his own version of "Happy." There were times that we would hang out at G4, though that memory of mine is only etched in 2 small pictures, that of which includes her cousin, and that of our tennis group (where I was the only guy in the mix), which I have kept up until now. Every time I get to see it, it reminds me of the old times that were just epic. Our usual conversations never ended through verbal communication. The power of text messaging and the land line helped us be in constant communication with each other. Our conversations back then would never cease to end. Even during the early part of 3rd year, we would keep ourselves in constant contact, though becoming transient was already starting to loom in our friendship. That friendship even influenced my decisions in joining activities in school: I even joined the C.O.C.C. because of her; we wanted to become CAT/ACP officers back then. In essence, those were the best times that I had spent with her, as far as my memory is concerned.
Her company was the thing that made me feel happy, special, and unique. Her bubbly personality, liveliness, and positive outlook in life was the one that kept that spark of joy lighting up deep inside me. I was not romantically inclined to her, I wish to stress that. I just find her mere presence a powerful healing salve to those unhealed wounds of my past.
I always thought back then that our wonderful friendship will last forever. That belief is a philosophy only seen in movies and soap operas. The succeeding story became the reason for everything that has happened up until this present time. This is the part where I share my part of the story, from my own experience, shown to the world for everyone to see. This is the part where the reader starts to balance from what they have heard from her, to what they will read in this blog.
It was during the varsity tryouts when this pivotal moment in our friendship started to happen. It was during such time that I was talking to a teammate of hers, who was also trying out for the team. That teammate of hers and I talked about a lot of stuff about tennis, even up to the point that I said something that was to be the most regretful, bullsh*t thing that I have ever done to destroy a friendship. I told that teammate of hers my opinion on her game. I counted various strengths and weak points, stated as a neutral opinion. I never intended to quash my best friend's style of play back then. I was trying to become neutral, as far as her upcoming game was concerned. What I forgot to keep in mind was that the person I was talking to was my best friend's upcoming opponent during the tryouts. That is what I can remember. I have nothing else more to say about it.
After that unfortunate incident, word reached her that I said something bad about her game. A violent reaction started to form. I was told by her that she was told of my indiscretion of her game. I never intended to quash her style of play. In fact, the argument that started to loom in did not actually involve my trampling of her personality whatsoever. It was an argument about a tennis game. It was a hot head steaming with anger against a repentant person defending himself from harm. I thought of the incident as a misunderstanding. It just had to turn much more sour in the days to come.
I soon realized then that her anger towards me was not just about the game: it was about the friendship in particular. The argument became a clash of principle against issue. There was a breach of trust: a very fundamental pillar in the stability of friendship. I ruined her trust; I ruined our friendship; It was as simple as that. I did so many ways just to earn our friendship back, but even after we shook hands, a Saturday after my last C.O.C.C. traning (I left training for good because of that debacle), her outlook towards me never became the same again. It was the most painful moment in my life back then. It was the first time that I lost a friend, much worse, in a very bad way.
I can never, ever forget the most famous line that has left a deep scar in my outlook of her: "Forgiven, not forgotten." This has been a line that I have used in a few blogs of mine in the past up until the present. She texted me this line as a reply after a botched reconciliation attempt through a quote sent through a text message. That was the very last word that was said to me by her. That was the very last time we have ever talked. It marked the end of a very great friendship.
That point in time was the most devastating point of my teenage life, much more devastating than my break-up with my 1st GF. That moment in my life became the turning point in my current approach of friends. That incident has taught me a very valuable lesson in the pillars of friendship: never to break the trust of others through unwanted actions. That incident molded my personality into who I am at present: a person who others can see and describe as to who I am now, and not that of the past.
There are so many valuable lessons learned through this incident of mine, and I would like to count off these things:
1. Never, ever say anything bad about someone, most likely your best friend.
2. Keep neutral thoughts to yourself. Neutrality is a two-faced coin that can heal or hurt two sides of the spectrum.
3. Cherish each and every moment with friends as much as possible. Never leave any single moment to waste. Keep in mind that the best of times outside the home are best spent with the best of friends.
4. When arguing, always keep in mind to listen to both sides of the story. Never keep yourself into a story and live with it: it blocks the other side a chance to explain, and a chance to weigh the options precisely.
5. Do not let emotion corrupt rational thinking. These two should be balanced in order to arrive at a very wise decision when problems arise.
6. Always keep vigilant about the people around you. They may be saying something which is detrimental to your favor. If such thing occurs, either confront it or leave it alone, depending on how you view the opposite person involved.
Personally, I want to thank her for a very, one-of-a-kind time back in High School. It is so ironic that after so many years of not talking to each other, we'd still be classmates in Med school. Up until now, I still want to make amends with her, but it seems that her reluctance to talk about it has prevented me from making such things come into reality. I don't expect any reconciliation, much more never. A lot of people, not only in Med school, but also those back in HS, have said that we should reconcile for good. I guess it will never happen, and I have already accepted that fact.
Personally, I want to thank her for a very, one-of-a-kind time back in High School. It is so ironic that after so many years of not talking to each other, we'd still be classmates in Med school. Up until now, I still want to make amends with her, but it seems that her reluctance to talk about it has prevented me from making such things come into reality. I don't expect any reconciliation, much more never. A lot of people, not only in Med school, but also those back in HS, have said that we should reconcile for good. I guess it will never happen, and I have already accepted that fact.
I don't care if any of her friends in Med get to read this and show this to her. I don't mind if her remarks about this will likely quash any attempt at reconciliation. I don't give a bird's sh*t if she thinks that I'm getting all emo up in this joint and blog my feelings away (Sira na nga naman ako sa kaniya, ano pa ba pwedeng masira pa?). Blogs are the avenues of communication: it's like a journal of sorts that speaks of the ideas of the mind. This is my side of being truthful, honest, and transparent. I have to be honest, I have not moved on from that unfortunate incident. That part of my life has almost dictated how I currently approach my friends. I hope through this blog, all of that burden has been cast aside, and that I can now move on with my life the way it should be.
This is a blog, almost 8 years in the making. Almost 8 years since that friendship went into a disaster. I have nothing else to say about her. I just want to say I have nothing against her, ever. It's now a matter of acceptance that reconciliation is highly unlikely. This is a blog that is intended to let the world know of how I lost a very wonderful friendship, and how I learned from that biggest mistake of my teenage life.
I mean what I say and I say what I mean. There is no sugarcoating in this blog. This is what I want to tell: that side of my story that has been kept within myself for almost a decade, not until now.
Take that for truthfulness and transparency.